Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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