If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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