Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize