I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you inspire me to be a worse person
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
