Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
