We named our party play list daddy issues
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
