so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
