He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
