I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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