I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
