he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
