Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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