i just sent this text using only my big toe
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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