We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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