Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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