I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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