The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
