you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
