I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
