it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize