i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
