who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
