i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize