if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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