I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
