My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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