you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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