who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
