chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
