The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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