Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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