My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
