porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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