Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My nipple is on Facebook.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
