i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the condom got lost in my hair
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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