Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
