I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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