Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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