I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
