I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
