When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
