I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
