I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize