what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
