Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
