I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize