My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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