were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
