Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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