She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
