i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
