hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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