ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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