she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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