At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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