In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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