Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
