I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think i have herpe
just one?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize