no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
