it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
