Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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