my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
