I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
