Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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