Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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