I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
