the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize