This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
