why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
