If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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