If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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