Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
